The story behind this is we a played Halloween hide an seek in the dark. My brother took so long to be found that people were texting him asking him where he was. All he replied with was “spoop” and “14 inches flaccid”
When we found him he was blogging on tumblr. He got the prize of course.
Guys don’t encourage my brother it only makes him stronger
GUYS SERIOUSLY IF HE SEES THIS HE’LL COME TO MY HOUSE AND GIVE ME A JACKASS GRIN I SWE AA R
WHO TOLD HIM
WHO TOLD HIM
CRAWLING IN MY SKIN THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL
i only get stronger the more everyone sees this
no one’s an atheist 30 seconds before an orgasm
OH MY FUCKING GOD
that’s the spirit
The Holy Spirit?..
periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder
why are parents allowed to yell and scream at their children and call them names and just make them feel like shit in general…
but when kids try to defend themselves…. its disrespectful?
okay so i was watching the suite life of zack and cody episode where they make a commercial and i decided to call the Tipton’s number
and it’s a fucking sex chatline.
I thought you were lying so I called on skype and it is.
*sudden realization that next year is like 3 weeks away*
Hey macklemore can we go thrift shopping
*suddenly remembers all of life’s responsibilities on sunday night*
*still doesn’t care*
* puKE S UP SANTA HAT* i m so pUmped for chRISTMAS iM GOnna fuCK A REINDEER
please don’t fuck a reindeer
tOO FUCKING L A TE
this guy in front of me on the train was talking to his girlfriend on the phone and when he hung up I saw the contact was called “happiness” if that’s not cute idk what is
A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!
this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.
i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.
For that last comment.
I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.
Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.
It got better.
I am laughing so hard right now oh my god this is perfection in so many ways.
I always thought this was just a commentary on how attractive laughter is